History Scam.

History is one of the most blatant way of propaganda and what is even more hurting is the fact that this mass-confusing campaign is never considered derogatory. I mean they teach us history. Right? Aww common for the guy-who-got-stapled-to-a-cross sake they even have the audacity to mark us on this defamatory lie campaign. I mean they flunked me in it. Preposterous or in human non lsr talk, FU*K!!!!

And that son of a gun who-thinks-he-is-god be damned if you think at 3:30 in the night am stringing a slew of words to make a story just to colour my eyes red.

I have proof. And with due thanks to a few knowledgeable and forward thinking humans who helped me in discovering this history-of-lies scam. Here it is uncovered just like a natural silicon free p;ayboy model.

The story dates long long back. How long back? Well long before Pirelli brought forward the concept of year by introducing their year keeping device known as calendar.

Their was this prince who was from one of the wealthiest families in one of the wealthiest countries of the world. Forbes rated him as Man of the year. He had a name but for common use and ease of understanding we will call him RAM. So this yippie looking dude was really pampered silly by his dad. Now how he was born is another story that will make letter to penthouse look decent. Apparently this king(dad of this yippie dude) had erectile dysfunction and since Viagra wasn't invented then this king turned to god. Now in those time when girls didn't needed wonder bra and oral was used for birth control rather than strawberry flavoured rubber, god was free so he helped this king. Now here is the kinky part, god gave some spiked and laced sweet-dish to the king to give to his wife and girlfriends and promised that he will have kids. Poor man king who was of the old school and didn't really very well study reproduction chapter in class 9. Stoopid king. I mean I know some one who's mom is a bio teacher and aunty will vouch for the fact that kids can only be born when an aerodynamic sperm crashes at high speed into a zeroed out sphere called egg. So what god mixed with the sweet-dish(misnomer I guess) must have been yikeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss aaaaapthoooooooo. And did the queen eat that thing or aaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiyoooooooooooooo oooo. I will leave the yucky stuff to the readers imagination.

So technically this young prince was son of god. And this would be the boy's claim to fame.

Now this boy got grew up to Forbes man of the year. And got married and stuff like that.

He was close to his bro for reference called laxman. Then as the king was about to declare the young prince the inheritor of the capitalist empire .one of the wives( those were the good old days) of the king, inspired by ekta kapoor's puke inducing serial, demanded a fair share of empire. It would be a sacrilege to say she was of good character. No, not because she demanded her rights, and there by becoming the world's first feminist( was she an alumni of lsr? Karan plz check) but, some of you guessed it right, because she used to watch Ekta kappor's serials. Anywayz due to losing TRP's as of know, long story cut short the king had some contractual obligations and hence the king had to, due to a safety clause, send the son to check out the status of our national parks in south India.

Now starts the part where the newly married guy and his bro went to the jungle with the Forbes guy of the year's wife.( No there is no three some that's gonna happen in the next few paragraph. Those who thought of such a thing can use a nut-cracker to crack their balls to reality.) By now though Standard and Poor have drastically reduced the rating of this tycoon. So with reduced rating they set out to south india to watch some Birds and bees. Now one day in jungle another very intelligent guy from a southern empire spotted this erstwhile tycoons pretty wife. Before we proceed further let me tell you unlike all geeks this man was smart looking. Reference id Ravan. And he had had some attitude problem with the god. Remember the kinky sweet-dish guy. Yup yup the aaapthoo guy.

The to-be-king's wife and this smart techie southie sat over a cup of coffee and really became good friends. In a non sexual way Okay!!! They exchanged their messenger id's, phone numbers and mail id's before departing. Only to realize the Internet service provider didn't offer good coverage in National parks, due to security concerns even cell phones were jammed. Obviously no postal service also. With heavy heart the two decided to say TaDa. Now sometime you have the intuition that we want to be friends with someone and you gonna miss them really hard when you depart. The same thing happened then. So as they were leaving for the final time the southie techie asked the wife. " I knpw we are never gonna meet again and I know you are married and there is no scope of a relationship which I haven't thought off. So before we just leave our friendship as memories would you come for a ride with me( It's not the same as can I ride you? Gosh)?"

The girl more out of friendship and humanity agreed. She stuck a post-it note on the front wall and wrote on it with a parker pen. They left it. What happened after that is shrouded in lawsuits and since matter is under the court's preview I cannot comment on it. But sketchy details are like this. There was a shower after both of them left. And whatever was written got slightly washed away. The post-it was illegible. Parker is facing a PIL on this matter as the pen was supposed to be water proof. Inspired by the Cadbury case study they are now using Amitabh Bachhan as brand ambassador to build brand confidence. So as the southie swept the girl off her feet in multiple barrel rolls and negative G inducing inverted flips in his skunkworks designed fighter plane( He had a MACH 3 fighter plane with vertical landing and take off option. I swear.). The tycoon Ram reached home only to find an illegible note, which somehow now looked like the map of the southie state our techie guy was king of. He got paranoid and decided to look out.

As the techie was having a blast, time became irrelevant and a non issue to the tycoon.s wife. They reported a bird hit. A talking parrot. And somehow the southie landed the plane in his country. His only plane now out on repairs the techie had no option but to ask the girl to stay back at his place until the lazy Americans repaired the plane.

The talking parrot seriously injured landed on the ground with a thud. Ram got hold of him and the parrot narrated that a woman shrieking Ram Ram(O GAWD O GAWD u remember the –ve G inverted flip. Xcitement folks) just was being taken away by a southie in a jet. It was never a vulture, think logically only parrots are capable of talking. Ram now got srsly pissed off as he thought his love has been abducted.



Now this Ram guy found a monkey clan who were very strong and could talk in northern languages. Basically Non resident monkeys of the north. Now this monkey clan was also riddled with politics. But for a few bananas the monkey guy agreed to help. The karta dharta of the clan was a monkey named hanuman. This monkey had had a disturbed childhood, As in he had disturbed his teacher in the childhood. HE also had some attitude problem. Easy to guess he was not very well educated.

Now this monkey took this Ram guy upto the shore where sea separated the techie guys kingdom. The monkey ran and made a world record attempt at the long jump and somehow managed to reach the techie's place. Now what happened next is perfect example of disadvantages of not knowing a third language. The monkey man hanuman reached the place and soon enough spotted the wife of the tycoon. They met and he introduced himself. She told him to get back and get help to repair the broken Aircraft. She also gave the monkey man one of her rings so that her husband would know she is alive and kicking. She wished him good bye and godspeed. But she knew the monkey must be suffering from jet-lag after such a long journey. So she asked him to eat some nice fruits from the southies salad bar ok just kidding from his garden. After that the monkey man left. But due to his disturbed childhood nature. Usse khurak machi and he came back to see her again. To his utter surprise and southies bad luck he spotted and overheard the two talking. He heard southie saying. Chumma lao. Now in a mix of southie and hindi he had said "Simply come" but ignorant buffoon couldn't understand Chumma and aao he heard as lao. Dejected as he thought the woman was two timing. He went into the techies park and created a ruckus. The alert guards caught hold of him. He was taken to the techie guys board room. He was thinking of slapping a lawsuit against the monkey. Monkey man played the trick. realizing that he will surely be used in the vaccination program for the rest of his life, told the techie that he was in fact sent by the woman's husband. To cover up he also lied that the park has reminded him of his home and he had got horny and has been humping a few trees. The techie guy understood everything and offered him food. Now southie food is generally very spicy. Poor northern monkey literally had his ass on fire. As he jumped up and down a few curtains caught fire. And soon enough there was a huge fire. The contractor apparently had flouted fire safety norms. In the melee that ensued the monkey ran away.
On reaching rams shore the monkey narrated the chumma story and when asked about his red ass he lied that the techie nigga has burnt his tale.
So the now furious Rama thinking that his friend was hurt and not to mention that crazy woman who used to make love to me in the high skies in my Learjet couldn't wait for some more time that she eloped with a freako in his fighter plane. So he decided to blast the balls of this techie. He didn't wanted UN sanctions so he said his wide has been hijacked and that the techie guy has an unlicenced diwali pataka Factory and is also using child labour.

Perfect example of use of Sensationalism in PR. Tabloid journalism.

Now as the war was about to begin the tycoon's wife could have averted the fight but she was totally unaware of the communication gap and confusion, she in my personal opinion was also pissed off at the apparent lack of understanding on her husbands part. So she decided what bad is a small fight to teach that MCP a lesson. Secretly she still loved her husband but then which girl does not want two men to fight over her and also to expect the one she loves to win. Anyways she wasn't at that much of fault.

What happened next is history or mythology depending on whether you believe in god or not?




Moral of the story.

• History and mythology should be banned.

• Every one should learn a third language.

• Never make a Non resident monkey your friend.

• Never send North Indian monkey to south for a rescue mission.

• Never ever ever send a north Indian one-language-knowing-monkey who cannot stomach spicy food to south for a rescue mission.

• There should be better coverage offered by telecom companies in jungles as this can avoid wars as might have been the case.

• Don't allow a certain Mr Yadav to attempt to write a story at 5 in the morning.


END OF STORY.
U can blink now.

--
Saurabh
< I Phunk anything that walks.>


P.S: No offences meant. But i am offensive.