Royal Enfield Tractor.

For the first time in my life i sat on a RE Bullet Electra. And thumbed the starter. It shuddered and shook so much that i thought i would have to call everyone a comrade now.

Naxalites and all the people who love revolutions must love the Bullet.

Starting it is like being on a cusp of a revolt. The point in history where the tide turned. Bike may or may not have moved, but yes history has been created. The bullet has come to life and it sends all the vibes to show its displeasure at being woken up, for something as humiliating as a test ride.

Slot it into first gear and it moves as urgently as a kid sent to meet the principal. Reluctantly. Dragging its feet. With that much torque it should go like stink but it does not. With great torque comes great responsibility. Electra's motto, not mine.

It is comfy though. It feels like a sofa with a handle bar. Or maybe sitting on the pot with newspaper in hand. Which is good because you arrive in style, no matter what time you arrive. Or if you arrive at all. Because the brakes are useless. I doubt there is a brake in there. The retardation is due to hamsters running inside the drum in the opposite direction. Or maybe braking is just a faith, if you have believe in it, it might stop. The infidels should just die.

Osama and his bearded homies might also love the bullet then.

Ohkay i admit you look good on it. Even Nannu looked smart on it. Which is something because otherwise Nannu is the only brother who looks good with his sister. The whole sit straight posture helps you look smart on it. But then think about it, the only way to sit on a bullet is straight. Any other way and the Frisbees in the spinal chord will fly out. No, really someday they will, the shudder form starting it will loosen them over time and then one day "Hello is it the Indian Spinal Injuries Centre. Yes I would like to book an appointment".

And don't tell me it builds character. That's what my Dad said every time i protested at being taken to the Village for the summer vacation. That's also what the slap said when he slapped me for protesting too much. Didn't build anything. I still like boobs.

But still i like it. Not as a bike, but as a thing. Sort of like a controversial opinion. It is an opinion. You can't be sitting on the fence with it. You are either this side or that side with the bullet. I like it for that. I also like it for making you have no respect for law, once you are astride it. It is the frown in "ohh those damn bikers".

It does not have an accent. It has attitude and that makes me think of forgiving Kaddu.

P.S: In case you have seen adverts of Bullet, don't believe a word of them. It is not a bike for grown up men. It is for young boys. You have to a boy to love tractors. Or fire engines.